and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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