The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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