my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
