Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
