I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
