I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
