im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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