Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
