Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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