no, he came in my armpit
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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