I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
