i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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