My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize