There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
