i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
