I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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