I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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