Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. Iβve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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