Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
