He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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