Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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