i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly