Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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