She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.