I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
