Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
