i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
