first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
