You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
