I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
