So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
