The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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