Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
