Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
