Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
