You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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