ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
