he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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