Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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