can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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