..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize