No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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