the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
