Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
