to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
