You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
