My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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