Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
