I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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