shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
