Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no you cant smoke seaweed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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