We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
