The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
