Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
