Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
whose parrot is this?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
