He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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