also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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