Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
