How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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