oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
