Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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