Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
